Waking from a Dream
Before the start of my graduate program, I traveled to France (Paris) and Italy (Rome + a few cities in the south) for about a week. Seeing Paris again along with Rome, Sorrento, and the Amalfi Coast leading to Positano, felt like a dream that wouldn’t end. Coming back to New York afterward, I felt as though I were waking from a sweet dream.
A Growing Weariness with New York
Walking around Midtown, where I could smell marijuana, and riding the New York subway, where all sorts of bizarre things happen, I gradually started feeling weary of this city. Then I began to wonder, “What’s the root of this weariness?” It struck me that just two years ago, New York was my dream city. In October 2023, I traveled to New York for a week, and on my return flight, I watched “Rainy Day In New York” and cried. It was only two years ago that I excitedly sent photos of a single New York leaf to my friends, marveling at how it seemed to be made of different leaf than the ones in Korea.
Tracing the cause of my weariness with New York, I realized that the process of falling in love with the city, feeling thrilled, and then gradually losing that thrill, is similar to how an ordinary couple experiences a slump. At the same time, I concluded that the reason I feel a dreamlike emotion toward Paris and Rome resembles the process through which I first fell in love with New York.
Why We Become Obsessed with Traveling
As I pondered my relationship with each city, I suddenly asked myself: Why do I like traveling so much, and why do people become so obsessed with it? Going to the airport, handing my body over to an airplane for hours, finding my way to a hotel in an unfamiliar place… and then returning home, unpacking, and adjusting back to reality. We torture ourselves for a fleeting moment of happiness—what compels us to indulge in such a strange act?
My answer is that it’s because of the unconditional love that travel destinations offer us. People can reject another person’s attention. We live with the pain of rejection. Even if we aren’t rejected and manage to form a relationship, the effort needed to maintain it becomes a duty, which can make it difficult to sustain. I think I no longer feel excitement for New York because what it offered me has become part of my daily life, and now it’s my turn to give something back to maintain our relationship.
A Place That Can’t Refuse Us
A travel destination, unlike a person, can’t turn us away. It’s not in a position to dictate where we should go. We decide which attractions to see, which places to avoid, what foods to eat, and whom to spend time with, using our own capital and time. Maybe it’s like licking only the chocolate part of an Italian Pocket Coffee. Once one side gets worn down, we rotate it and lick another side, avoiding the bitter part. I believe it’s similar to falling in love at first sight—focusing only on the sweet side of something new.
That doesn’t mean I’m calling travel bad or saying that enjoying a city in such a way is wrong or fails to truly understand it. I still love traveling. I’m already thinking about where I’ll go next. However, it’s crucial to discern whether the feeling is the excitement of first love, the steadiness of a mature relationship, or whether my feelings for New York are fatigue, aversion, or something that can improve. Understanding the layers of these emotions is, I believe, essential for understanding my relationship with the world.
Another Kind of Beauty in New York
Yesterday, I took a picture of Manhattan’s East Village in the rain. Like lovers making a desperate effort to overcome their slump, the camera that once captured sweet images of Paris and Rome was now recording the bitter-espresso-like scenery of the East Village. New York is beautiful in a different way. Cities like a rainy East Village, the romance of Paris, and the ruins of Rome will all, at some point, face a time when excitement intersects with weariness. Yet as I wait for the snow to fall on New York today, I realize again that how I choose to face both this city and love is entirely up to me.
Lighnity 